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  • “You are the result of the five people that hang out with you the most”….WRONG!

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    I heard this phrase several times and I’m definitely sure that you heard it at least once, and I must be perfectly honest, the first time I heard it I thought to myself: “This is so true…” the phrase really got me and I remember even posting it in my Facebook Wall… I told myself that must be true! Of course people around you influence you a lot! The second time I heard the phrase, I actually thought a little bit more about it, deeply analyzed it and I came to these points:

    First, in my situation …being a loner … I couldn’t define my 5 people, it’s not that I’m an hermit, I have people around me or course, but only 3 came to my mind, and the after thinking that maybe person number 3 was not very close to me anymore, I got it sized to 2 people finally (between family and friends)…. But the number of people is not the point of the blog, so let’s continue…

    Before, let me tell you the story the prompt my analysis of this phrase, it’s a long story but I’ll summarize it as much as I can….

    –          One day I got a visit from a high school friend who I haven’t seen for more than a decade (please try not to guess my age…but yes I’m not that young) . After some little talk we found that we had a friend in common, well it was a work colleague for her but actually a good friend for me … she was actually very perplexed that I was her friend, actually like she couldn’t believe it…it was absolutely strange …she kept asking questions like “do you see her often ? really? how long have you two met you? Really that much?”…

    After the visit I told this story to person X and Y (the ones that I spend more time with). Person X said: “I think she was surprised that you had friends!” and person Y said “I think she doesn’t work with your friend and was just pretending” both opinions actually surprised me because Person X and Person Y perceive things very but VERY different from me.

    Do you know what my theory was about that friend? Well I thought that “Maybe this friend from school had some sort of conflict with my old friend and was surprised that I was her friend…I don’t know if this theory was true…we’d never know…

    Anyway, I realized that person X actually thinks so poor about my social skills and that person Y actually never understood the idea of the story. They perceive things SO different from me that I began to analyze how similar we were between the three, guess what? we were really different from each other and I may be actually the antagonist of person X and Y.

    After analyzing them very well, I found that:

    –          I love person X and Y but really don’t share the same values and beliefs. Every person must have its own values. You choose to believe and be honest to the values you’ve always had, just because your friends and family believe in other things, you are not going to change or to stop loving them right? You learn to accept them how they are, learn to live with them and YES! you remain faithful to yourself!

     

    –          I hang out with person X and Y a lot of time but we don´t share the same passion for the same things. Each person is unique and therefore each of us will eventually find what we love to do and what we are passionate about, that´s intrinsic of ourselves. Other people will come and go in our lives but we always need to pursue our OWN goals and our OWN dreams, not the ones of the people around us.

     

    –          It´s true that is better to be surrounded with people who are similar to you or like I read somewhere else…that have the same level of energy as you…but during our journey on this earth we´ve been given family and friends that are our beloved ones, but just because they don´t think like us, it doesn´t mean that we must let them go in search for others more alike, the true is that our personality and the way we forge it and the way we choose to direct our lives is JUST UP TO US and nobody else, so BE YOURSELF regardless of whom you are with! And cherish everybody around you because you can always learn things from everybody…

    What do you think? Are you really the sum of the five people around you or are you just YOU?

  • Don’t let criticism of your personal life get you! Remember the good things…

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    Criticism is hard to take sometimes. Sometimes we wish we didn’t hear it and sometimes we want to know it. In our careers, we like to be told what we are doing wrong so we can improve, but do we really want to hear the “we are doing something wrong” part?, I´ll leave this for another future blog.  But there is also another type of criticism, the one related to our personal lives. Loners will hear phrases like these ones:

    Why don’t you meet somebody? Why don’t you marry that somebody, have kids with that somebody and marry and live happily ever after?

    Well, it won’t necessary be in these words or in such a direct way, but some people will find ways to make us the same questions maybe in a more subtle way (But let´s face it, no matter how subtle they want to be, we always get it what they meant!).

    Criticism at our jobs or careers or whatever activity we do to receive criticism is different from the criticism we receive related to our personal lives and sometimes it gets us most because we receive them from close people (family and friends) (Although I met some people for five minutes and believe it or not they just popped out with those sort of questions, excuse me but mind their own business right?…)

    But however we take this personal criticism, remember to take into consideration these points:

    –          Who says that you have to follow a traditional pattern? Is there somewhere written that says that whatever the traditional society says is what you should do? Can anybody assure you that by doing what others do you will have happiness guaranteed?

     

    –          Do you really have to follow society traditions? Do you really want to be like everybody or you´d rather be unique? Maybe your way of living is destined to be different. Whenever someone makes judgments about your personal life, just think to yourself: “well I´m unique and maybe I can make my life more exciting this way” I´m not against of finding a partner or a significant other, but remember, just be with somebody if you feel it and want it not because people pushed you into that or you wanted to “merge” to society in some way. Remember, better alone than in bad company.

     

    –          Don’t ever question your own beliefs, society has formed certain preconceptions about how a person should develop his or her life, and every generation has done that. Many years ago society thought that women should only raise kids and stay at home, that was how society thought about how thinks should work at that time, do we still think the same? For the sake of goodness, I really hope that people out there don´t think like that anymore… But then if you see these changes in what society thought ages ago and nowadays, who guarantees that what our society thinks now is correct and is still going to work in the future? Maybe you are the future or you are ahead of your generation.

    Personal criticism of your life can sometimes really get you, but don´t let it. Try to remember all these things and just push yourself into your own goals and in living your life the best you can. Don´t get stuck in trying to fit a certain “mold”, don´t let this criticism affect who you are or change you. If you are a loner, then be a Happy One!

     

  • Being a loner actually gives more opportunities to focus on career goals?

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    I don’t know what you may think about this but I’m beginning to see that maybe this could be true…

    I’m a multi task person, I work in a company as technical writer, have a small business of my own and sometimes I happen to have small consultancies or “small jobs” on the way. Everything that seems interesting and that could give me an extra income is always welcomed. I have some bigger ideals and goals for the future… for instance I would like my business and my free lancing jobs to be big enough to make me an independent entrepreneur…. For the moment the economic situation is not that ideal…and that means that I have to maintain for a little longer my full time job … it’s not a bad job but I really don’t see myself spending years and years there….

    I’m more of a free spirit person and like many of you probably I would like to travel a lot around the world in the future but for that to come I have some financial issues to resolve before (like the money for traveling right?).

    So after all these ramblings I don’t want to bore you anymore and I want to summarize my thoughts in the following points, as encouragement for the people that are loners out there and don’t see that they may actually have an opportunity that others don’t have:

    • First, you can actually have more time to organize yourself; you keep worrying about your social life or “lack of”? So maybe you should gather your strengths to realize that you can actually take this “extra time” to see what are you going to do to improve your career opportunities, you always wanted to take that course about graphical design, creative writing, photography, marketing or something to improve your skills? What are you waiting?
    • You have a business idea but you have to do some market research or other type of research first to see if your idea actually has the chance to work? Use your extra time for this! Never complain about your lack of social life, see the positive side of this and see this as “good extra time for yourself”
    • You’ve been trying to change your career or want to start something new or just change of job? In this case I must tell you, some decisions are easier when you’re a loner, you don’t have actually to consult anybody else… or on the contrary, you can be sure that you won’t have that somebody else questioning about all your decisions, take the opportunity, if you are a loner, take the risks you always wanted to take, trust me this may be the best time for you to do that…
    • Finally, it may sound a little bit cold to say this, but being in a relationship, well depending of course the type of relationship (unless you have a perfect one), may actually make you lose the focus.  Difficult relationships where the circumstances make you worry or be afflicted all the time, may actually impact your career life. The relationship becomes your main worry in your life, and guess what; your career (well for most cases, not for everybody) becomes secondary and therefore doesn’t receive the attention that it should.
    • If you are a loner, take the advantage to focus all your energy on the things you always want to achieve, no difficult relationships torturing your head, just the pure and free spirit of pursuing your goals! So cheer up!

    What do you think? I hope this is helpful for all loners, I would like to hear your comments (not only from loners! )

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  • 10 reasons why loners should travel

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      1. They can choose where they always wanted to go without consulting somebody else…
      2. Hotels and other preferences depend only on the traveller …If you want to spend on a fancy hotel with all the commodities you always like it’s your money and nobody else can persuade you from the contrary. On the other hand, if you want to stay at a very budget accommodation because you’d rather indulge yourself in other travelling expenses
        (maybe good restaurants, or shopping) you can also do it! Nobody will tell you:  “ How come you choose this dump?”
      3. If you feel tired on your journey and you just want to stay and oversleep at the hotel until you feel you have the energy you need for your adventure, you can do it too! Nobody else will be bothering you about getting ready to go outside. Or, if you are and early bird and want to leave the hotel early and embark on your adventures first thing in the morning, you will have the chance to do it without insisting somebody else to hurry up.
      4. You feel hungry at 11 in the morning and you want to eat already because you’re starving and you need to gather your energies to continue your trip, guess what? You won’t have to agree with anybody else about going somewhere else before taking a break for food.  And on the contrary, you’d rather hit all the touristic crowded places first and no bother about breaks and food until you are done with them , you’ll have the chance to do it too, it’s after all just after you. You control when to eat and that believe me is such an advantage! since every one of us is different from one another and metabolism varies a huge deal between us travellers.
      5. Talking about food, you’d rather choose a very nice, indulging, relaxing and a little bit expensive restaurant over a fast food place? Don’t worry you’ll do as you want.
      6. You love going to outdoor spaces and parks rather than museums? Of you’d rather learn the culture by visiting all the museums of a city? It’s up to you; you’ll get to do as you wish because, you’re the master of your destiny in your trip.
      7. You’d rather walk than take the public transportation? Or maybe you want to be as efficient as possible, because time is money, and you’d rather spend on a taxi? I must tell you, nobody will argue with you about this, it will be all peace and tranquillity.
      8. You love shopping when you travel? You skip shopping because you’d rather spend time on other things when you travel? No more hard decisions and no more sacrificing your travelling time accompanying somebody else to shopping while you’d rather go elsewhere. Or maybe no more wandering around touristic attractions while you’d rather be shopping at those gorgeous shops you saw when you arrived.
      9. You want to book everything from hotels, tickets to attractions and everything else one year or six months in advance but you have to wait until the other person decides if he or she is going to travel with you or not. Usually by the time they decide all fares will have gone up to the sky.  Or maybe you don’t want to book anything in advance, perhaps you are free spirit and you want to let things happen when you arrive to the place… guess again? you will have the chance to do it! without any pressure from anybody…such a relief right?
      10. Finally, you want to spend the money you want and travel wherever and whenever you want and can? What are you waiting? It’s your money! You don’t need to get advice/agreement or even permission from somebody else!  Loners are so lucky when travelling is concerned…what are you waiting?

     

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  • 10 things you should know about loners

    1. We don´t care what people say
    2. We are tired of listening to people saying: “you should meet/date somebody …”
    3. We are masters of our own destiny since we are alone we don’t need to consult/ask for anybody’s opinion.
    4. We have plenty energy to do whatever dream/goal that comes to our mind without having to ask the other…
    5. Maybe it is our purpose in life, maybe we are other type of generation with other ideals…
    6. It is better to be on our own than have bad company
    7. We don’t understand conflicts between couples, so much drama for our kind… better avoid the trouble
    8. Being loners doesn’t mean we don’t have friends, they are everywhere and sometimes we perceive some healthy envy from them….
    9. We have extra time to do everything that we want…
    10. We are happy the way we are….
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