depression – carladoria.lasultimasfamilias.com

Winner of NaNoWriMo 2014 lets a heavy glass pot lid fall over her head…

Sunday I declared myself winner of NaNoWriMo 2014 and to celebrate I let a heavy glass pot lid fall over my head. No, I’m not crazy, neither eccentric, it was just an accident. Very interesting way to celebrate it though, a huge bump in the head and an ice bag over my head. So people were telling me “wow! You must be excited to have finished your writing month and must had celebrated a lot” And I just go back to my memories of the terrible pain my head was in that day. At least, I managed to write the last words before the accident, because I wouldn’t have written anything else after the glass lid decided it was good to bounce on my head. Although, a good scene of pain and suffering could have actually come up well inspired at that time.

But anyway, let´s stop talking about the bad part of last Sunday and talk about the best part. I did it! I finished the first manuscript of an entire novel, over 88000 words in total. When I started NaNo I was at 38000 words more or less, it took me around 3 months to write those 38K. If it wasn’t for NaNo, I wouldn’t had pop out those remaining 50K and I would have finished my novel next year.

Never have I ever (I’ve just remembered a drinking game… if you know what I mean, if not just continue reading 🙂 ) I’ve would have dreamed that when I put in my 2014 New Year’s resolution “Start writing for seriously” I would have ended up the year with a whole first manuscript for a novel. Surreal.

Image source: www.focusincgroup.com

Of course, I must point out it´s a “first” manuscript. This December will be harsh polishing and editing. One of the things that you learn with NaNo is to just let it flow; write, write and let the characters guide you through the story. No editing during November, not only because it would have caused constant deletion of words but also because there was no time. And it works, it really does. This is my first time writing a novel and believe me, I struggled very much at the beginning figuring it out how to start, how to plot the story, how to define structure, pacing, etc. Now I know that there has to be some planning at the beginning, but then if you want the story to really flow and reach its end, you just have to let it go, it works. But then of course with no editing in this “flowing” stage, a second, and even third draft have to be considered, the disadvantages of spontaneity.

But I declare myself satisfied. Never have I ever, I’ve been more consistent and persistent in doing what I want to do for the rest of my life. I proved myself that I can do it, that I can create the habit of writing every single day (including weekends and holidays). I can do it. “I’m a roller coaster that only goes up” John Green (Yeah, I’m quoting The Fault in Our Stars, but the quote felt righter than ever).

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December 3, 2014

BUSY LIVES ARE THE BEST!!!

Image source: www.stevewiens.com

So this last month has been chaotic for me… Yep, I know, I haven’t written anything here in this period of time… What was I doing? Well just creating an online virtual store, working full time as tech writer, preparing a bachelorette party, translating some documents and the list could go for ages…

But actually, this has been a very, VERY good month; it was all chaos but very fulfilling. I may not have achieved something big and I may be in diapers with the online virtual store, but still, things are getting accomplished little by little.

And I even found that I want to start other projects as well, I can´t help it, I´m a constant project machine… I never get bored; there is no easy weekend or peaceful resting time… Yesterday, for example, I decided to give me a break, I switched off the computer at around 7:00 pm and decided to turn on the TV to catch a movie and just do nothing. I caught a very nice one: “Valentine´s Day” (I´m not that romantic but anyway…), but whenever there were commercial breaks I would find myself without knowing what to do…. How funny is that?… I usually watch TV while the laptop is on, or I have my tablet or cell phone near me to check stuff at the same time… I felt like I was not being productive enough with my time…. Is that lame? I really don´t know, and it wasn´t like I was disconnecting myself from the electronic world, I was in front of a good piece of electronic device: the TV!!!

Anyway, I finally got it, I LOVE multi-tasking, I LOVE being busy; I feel that I have the chance to do so many things in one day. And this is not about dependence on technology, I really enjoy doing other physical activities such as sports, dance and shopping (come on I´m a girl, who cannot love shopping?). So I guess that just watching TV was too “easy and so simple” for me…

So get the chance to BUSY YOURSELF, enjoy every day at the very BEST, do as MANY THINGS as you can, go to bed feeling exhausted but feeling that you made THE MOST OF YOUR DAY… life is so short… do you want to let it go WITHOUT DOING MUCH?

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August 19, 2013

The reasons of being lonely….

Image source: micuadernitoverde.blogspot.com

The last posts I´ve been writing about inspirational and self-improvement topics, or at least that´s what I was trying to do, and I actually have managed to evade the “happy loner” topic for a time…

I´ve always told myself what a happy loner I am , and I am, really, but sometimes I can´t help but to question myself “why I am a loner”. I actually get this question many times from people that surround me. I´m 32 and most people that I know are either married, getting married or in a happy relationship. Don´t take me wrong, I´m not against of relationships, but in some way I feel that I´m not ready yet….as silly as it sounds.

I´m so focused in achieving the life of my dreams, of doing the things that I´ve always wanted to do, that I actually feel that I couldn´t do good in a relationship. I would have to achieve at least a part of the goals that I´m trying to achieve right now. It´s like needing to find myself before sharing my life with another being….

For instance, I´m not ready yet to settle down and form a family. I want to do so many things for myself before I get to this part. I know, you may be saying, but you actually can do many of this stuff while you are in a relationship and you don´t have to sacrifice one thing for the other… well the thing is that I would actually need to find somebody who could fit in my life style…. and that´s a little hard…

And what is my life style? Well, I´m working to get a working -nomad-traveling life style, I haven´t got there yet but I´m on my way to do so, that would mean that, at least, this person would have to have that same kind of free spirit… am I wrong? I haven´t met anybody like that in my social environment yet…

Su just patience, I tell myself, just enjoy the moment that I have, and take advantage of the many things that I can do while I´m in this “loner state”, after all, one has to get the most of every moment in life, right?

What do you think? Maybe some advice would be nice 🙂

July 23, 2013

HOW HARD IS IT TO BE PERSISTENT?

So, PERSISTENCE, what is the definition of PERSISTENCE?

The Oxford dictionary says

“the fact of continuing in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition”

Well, we can understand this meaning, it is simple, and everybody knows it, but can we understand it well enough to apply it in our lives?

Since I remember, I use to make plans for improving my life; I would make things like these ones:

Make a written, signed contract where I compromise myself with improving in all aspects: losing weight, going to the gym, learning mandarin or Italian (whatever was I felt I needed to learn at that time), read 3 books per month, learn this or that, etc.I would get to do this for a couple of days, maybe a week and then I would get weaker and I would just forget it.
I would also do more detailed plans, I would write my resolutions in a paper, make detailed plans to achieve them and even set daily goals. I would buy a diary or notebook, just specifically for this purpose. I would start with all my enthusiasm and then the same would happen, I would forget it or just get consumed with the daily routine.

So this is the summary of the dozens of times that I have tried different approaches. Some methods would work better than others, but always at the end I was swallowed with the everyday routine.

Image source: www.empowernetwork.com

At this very moment, I´m with one method, I have a little notebook at work where I write the hours of the day and try to assess every hour I let pass, so I just put a happy or sad face next to it when I feel an hour has been productive or not. Until now, it´s been lasting more than any method. But, I must admit it, there are hours, even days, where I forget about this thing and I find myself filling hours with sad faces trying to remember what I had done before. I hope this method lasts….

But, besides this, I have actually realized the following: I´ve been persisting in improving my life, trying different methods but with the same idea: improving. So I have accused myself many times of not being persistent enough and it´s is true, in some ways… after all, the most difficult thing to achieve in life for me has being persistence.

But the idea is to persist right? And I have persisted in figuring it out these methods, even when they didn´t work, I would look for another one… little step by little step, mistake by mistake, and at the end NEVER SURRENDER…

And more than anything never stop persisting in trying to achieve our dreams, no matter how our methods are, but never give up on our dreams, never forget them….

I would like to finish with this quote:

“If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of Persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked seventy times and get up off the floor saying, Here comes Seventy One!”

DeVos, Richard

Image source: www.empowernetwork.com

July 8, 2013

FIND THE “RIGHT PEOPLE” TO BE WITH YOU

So this post may be a continuation or probably a contradiction of the one called “You are the result of the 5 people that hang out with you the most: WRONG”, but don’t be disappointed, this won’t be more ramblings about the same topic but rather a different and more interesting point of view.

So in that previous blog, in summary, we said:

– One has to fight to find their uniqueness and not engage in the same behaviour as the people surrounding them.

– One should define its own character so well, that we’re not influenced by those traits we don’t believe in, especially from our friends or family.

Don’t worry, I still agree with this and I’m not going to argue it, BUT – always the big BUT – there is some true in the fact that you must look forward to be surrounded by people like you; and I don’t mean people that think, act or behave exactly like you, but people that intrinsically have the same BELIEFS as you. Yep, that’s the word I was struggling to find when I was thinking, this afternoon, about writing this blog.

If you are a true believer that with perseverance you can make your dreams come true, no matter what dreams are; then it’s actually discouraging to be with people who think that you are such a dreamer, or don’t get your point in focusing in something that you probably won’t achieve according to them.

Well, I know sometimes our closer friends and relatives will be this crashing- dreamer types and that we won’t able to get far away from them. But we must look for and try to find those people (or at least internet contacts) that have our same BELIEFS, so that we feel energized, and motivated. Because sometimes it’s not enough to be our own drivers and motivators, sometimes we need a hand or a little push.

So if you just spotted somebody that is a BELIEVER like you, get the chance to know that person, you may find a good friend in him or her, and who knows, maybe the path to achieving everything you always wanted to will be easier with some support by your side.

You noticed that I mentioned “Internet contacts” before, well actually as a loner, I´m not the “expert” in giving advice of how to make friends, but I found that the least I could do was engage on online communities, or blogs with people that help me feel encouraged to follow my dreams (I may explore this topic deeper in a future post) but If I spot some positive thinker and believer like me in my neighborhood, I may introduce myself…

So what do you think? Do you think it is good to find BELIEVERS like you?

June 28, 2013

Why waiting for weekends could be so bad?

So this is part two of previous blog but don’t worry this piece can be read separately.

I was saying that I actually found the solution for stop being so passive and from escaping the routine of 9 to 5 jobs. I would dare that almost 99 % of the people who have fallen into the darkness of this routine, wait desperately for the weekends to arrive. Don’t do that! Believe or not waiting for weekends is not that great, because:

– It gets you in your endless routine: work from Monday to Friday, jump on your feet on Fridays and hate with all your heart Mondays.

– Then weekend comes and it passes so fast that you really feel bad on Sunday nights.

You keep complaining that you lack of time for doing things that will help you improve towards the accomplishment of your goals?

You want to take courses in Accounting, astronomy or whatever it is you want to do and you don’t have time for it? You want to go to the gym, learn how to knit, learn Japanese or any other interesting activity, or maybe you just simply want to be able to spend more time with your family and do more family stuff and you find out that weekends pass so fast that you didn´t do all the things you wanted to do?

These are the sort of stuff that usually fills our lives, we want to do so many things, from learning how to dance salsa to learning Korean… but we don’t have the time!

Let me tell you something… time management is the hardest thing you’ll strive to achieve in life because it all comes to this: We spent 5 days in our jobs and those days are about our routine and nothing else, then we find out that the weekend went so fast that we didn’t have the time to do all the things we wanted to do, ring you a bell somewhere?

We will usually work only 8 hours per day and let’s say sleep another 8 hours(sleepy heads or the insomniac ones don´t count here) , so we get another 8 hours for living our lives, yes 8 hours more per day!!! Of course some of that time will be spent on commuting to work and doing other needed stuff (like taking a shower, eating, etc) but I want to believe that we will have at least 4 hours remaining to do our stuff, and 4 hours times 5 is 20 hours! Which is like an extra weekend in between week!

So each day has a little weekend of its own, each working day is a whole new adventure of the things we want to achieve! do you still want to let your five working days pass by you – without any impact – and in a constant wait for the weekends of your life? You can find time in weekdays to do many things, really think about your routine…

When Monday comes, I say to myself: Well this is good! A new opportunity to start running the life that I want for myself! And I begin my countdown, I have five days to go, so many things to do until Friday I better hurry up!

Please stop hating Mondays!

June 21, 2013

How much should we admire people?

Most of us, usually admire somebody either because of their intellect, their charisma, their beauty or their skills. But what is the point in admiring if we’re not going to try to replicate those “things” we admire? And let’s be clear, I’m not talking about imitating others without being ourselves, there is a fine line between copycatting others with no purpose and cultivating in ourselves that we admire in others.

The difference is simple, we “admire” those things that we would like to have for us, and with “things” I’m referring to values, skills, characteristics, personal features, etc. So we would usually like those things that are according to our inner selves, to our personality, in other words, to our uniqueness.

You won’t “admire” a smuggler for getting materials things easily, if you were to admire that smuggler it would mean that you actually admire the characteristic of being a smuggler. You could also admire a fashion model for its physique but I want to believe that you would admire the fact that he or she manages to have a healthy body and not the fact that the model starves to death to be like that.

Well anyway, I’m mostly sure that you get what I mean. We admire the good things, the things that make us better; we don’t admire the bad things in other people unless we are “questionable” people. But the important thing is that each time we admire, it should only be a short “period of admiration” and that’s it, period. Because once we recognize that which we admire, we should perform, we should act. We can’t stay in the “admiration period” forever. We have to start asking ourselves what do I have to do if I want to improve this or want to be able to do this or that. The true is that probably the person that we admire also had to cultivate his or her skill from scratch and with a lot of effort.

We are meant to achieve whatever we want; there is no limit to our aspirations and dreams. The sky is our limit and we should never hesitate about this.

We must look forward to achieve these “things” not because we want somebody else’s approval but because we know we want that change and improvement for us. We don’t improve for others we do it for ourselves.

I as a loner believe I have a good sense of direction for this; I seek to change and to improve myself always because of me. I thought about this a lot, and maybe my super independent personality and not allowing people influence me directly (of course unless is something good) is part of the reason that I keep the loneliness. But like I always say in my posts, I always try to get the good aspects of my loner situation; this doesn’t mean that those of you who are not loners should not find the above written also useful.

Finally a very smart quote for everybody:

“The awe, inspiration and talent you recognize in others are but a reflection of the same thing in you. I highly suggest you do not seek approval or recognition of those you admire but instead cultivate in yourself that which you see in them. There´s a dormant creative genius within you – let them out!” – Jackson Kiddard

And you, how much of this admiring state let pass by you? Do you take actions to have the same skills and talent you admire in other people or do you just let the admire feeling let go forever without doing anything?

June 17, 2013

Why daydreaming with open eyes is actually good…

I´ve always daydreamed with open ever eyes since I have a recollection of memory. If you don´t know what I´m talking about, maybe you should read this Wikipedia definition first: (just to be sure we´re on the same page)

“Daydreaming is a short-term detachment from one’s immediate surroundings, during which a person’s contact with reality is blurred and partially substituted by a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake.”

When I was younger I remember daydreaming while I was trying to “study” for school, maybe it was out of boredom or maybe I was trying to evade the “studying” aspect of that moment.

I used to dream about what I was going to do when I grew older, how my life was going to be and how would things be that If I were different, if I were richer if I were prettier and others things (the “if I were prettier” dreams were a result of my poor self-esteem at that time but now I have another concept of beauty…). I used to spend a lot of time on this, of 3 hours of study I would spend half of it dreaming about everything and nothing…

As time passed, I started to get stronger ideas of what I wanted to do with my life… do you think I stopped daydreaming? Not at all!, until now I still continue daydreaming all the time even when I´m at work….is it because I really have nothing better to do other than spending time imagining about the things that I would like to achieve or the type of life that I would like to have? Not really, actually I´m always struggling to find time for everything…

It’s because of my nature, I´m a daydreamer by default but I´m proud of it because it actually keeps me in focus in the goals and dreams I want to achieve. If I weren’t frequently remembered by these dreams, I would probably let common life pass by me, forgetting my main ideals and where I´m heading for.

From the perspective of loner, I don’t know if this really applies to “my type”, to my personality that tends to be more distant from people in general and perhaps more focused on my own objectives, but this is just a theory and maybe it would be nice to see your comments about this.. .

BUT, there is an important BUT for the frequent daydreamers, your dreams have to have a little closure of their own, if you want these dreams to really happen, you have to snap out of them by thinking “now what do I have to do if I want to achieve that…” or “well let´s start doing X so one day I can be like in dream Y”… When you come back to reality, or stop dreaming, don´t let this wonderful time that you´ve just spend by go without rescuing encouraging motivations for you to continue life focusing on the direction of your dreams, always give them this little closures, they make you feel better, trust me and it´s a wonderful way to get you excited of the good things that are still to come in the future…

Daydreaming lets you know that life should not be boring and that we shouldn’t accept regular routine, that there is so much out there that needs to be discovered.

If you daydream, find the motivation for following these dreams and planning the actions that are needed to achieve them.

Finally, a quote to remember:

“All people dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind, wake up in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with open eyes and make them come true.”

D. H. Lawrence

June 13, 2013

Don’t let criticism of your personal life get you! Remember the good things…

Criticism is hard to take sometimes. Sometimes we wish we didn’t hear it and sometimes we want to know it. In our careers, we like to be told what we are doing wrong so we can improve, but do we really want to hear the “we are doing something wrong” part?, I´ll leave this for another future blog. But there is also another type of criticism, the one related to our personal lives. Loners will hear phrases like these ones:

Why don’t you meet somebody? Why don’t you marry that somebody, have kids with that somebody and marry and live happily ever after?

Well, it won’t necessary be in these words or in such a direct way, but some people will find ways to make us the same questions maybe in a more subtle way (But let´s face it, no matter how subtle they want to be, we always get it what they meant!).

Criticism at our jobs or careers or whatever activity we do to receive criticism is different from the criticism we receive related to our personal lives and sometimes it gets us most because we receive them from close people (family and friends) (Although I met some people for five minutes and believe it or not they just popped out with those sort of questions, excuse me but mind their own business right?…)

But however we take this personal criticism, remember to take into consideration these points:

– Who says that you have to follow a traditional pattern? Is there somewhere written that says that whatever the traditional society says is what you should do? Can anybody assure you that by doing what others do you will have happiness guaranteed?

– Do you really have to follow society traditions? Do you really want to be like everybody or you´d rather be unique? Maybe your way of living is destined to be different. Whenever someone makes judgments about your personal life, just think to yourself: “well I´m unique and maybe I can make my life more exciting this way” I´m not against of finding a partner or a significant other, but remember, just be with somebody if you feel it and want it not because people pushed you into that or you wanted to “merge” to society in some way. Remember, better alone than in bad company.

– Don’t ever question your own beliefs, society has formed certain preconceptions about how a person should develop his or her life, and every generation has done that. Many years ago society thought that women should only raise kids and stay at home, that was how society thought about how thinks should work at that time, do we still think the same? For the sake of goodness, I really hope that people out there don´t think like that anymore… But then if you see these changes in what society thought ages ago and nowadays, who guarantees that what our society thinks now is correct and is still going to work in the future? Maybe you are the future or you are ahead of your generation.

Personal criticism of your life can sometimes really get you, but don´t let it. Try to remember all these things and just push yourself into your own goals and in living your life the best you can. Don´t get stuck in trying to fit a certain “mold”, don´t let this criticism affect who you are or change you. If you are a loner, then be a Happy One!

June 6, 2013

10 reasons why loners should travel

They can choose where they always wanted to go without consulting somebody else…
Hotels and other preferences depend only on the traveller …If you want to spend on a fancy hotel with all the commodities you always like it’s your money and nobody else can persuade you from the contrary. On the other hand, if you want to stay at a very budget accommodation because you’d rather indulge yourself in other travelling expenses
(maybe good restaurants, or shopping) you can also do it! Nobody will tell you: “ How come you choose this dump?”
If you feel tired on your journey and you just want to stay and oversleep at the hotel until you feel you have the energy you need for your adventure, you can do it too! Nobody else will be bothering you about getting ready to go outside. Or, if you are and early bird and want to leave the hotel early and embark on your adventures first thing in the morning, you will have the chance to do it without insisting somebody else to hurry up.
You feel hungry at 11 in the morning and you want to eat already because you’re starving and you need to gather your energies to continue your trip, guess what? You won’t have to agree with anybody else about going somewhere else before taking a break for food. And on the contrary, you’d rather hit all the touristic crowded places first and no bother about breaks and food until you are done with them , you’ll have the chance to do it too, it’s after all just after you. You control when to eat and that believe me is such an advantage! since every one of us is different from one another and metabolism varies a huge deal between us travellers.
Talking about food, you’d rather choose a very nice, indulging, relaxing and a little bit expensive restaurant over a fast food place? Don’t worry you’ll do as you want.
You love going to outdoor spaces and parks rather than museums? Of you’d rather learn the culture by visiting all the museums of a city? It’s up to you; you’ll get to do as you wish because, you’re the master of your destiny in your trip.
You’d rather walk than take the public transportation? Or maybe you want to be as efficient as possible, because time is money, and you’d rather spend on a taxi? I must tell you, nobody will argue with you about this, it will be all peace and tranquillity.
You love shopping when you travel? You skip shopping because you’d rather spend time on other things when you travel? No more hard decisions and no more sacrificing your travelling time accompanying somebody else to shopping while you’d rather go elsewhere. Or maybe no more wandering around touristic attractions while you’d rather be shopping at those gorgeous shops you saw when you arrived.
You want to book everything from hotels, tickets to attractions and everything else one year or six months in advance but you have to wait until the other person decides if he or she is going to travel with you or not. Usually by the time they decide all fares will have gone up to the sky. Or maybe you don’t want to book anything in advance, perhaps you are free spirit and you want to let things happen when you arrive to the place… guess again? you will have the chance to do it! without any pressure from anybody…such a relief right?
Finally, you want to spend the money you want and travel wherever and whenever you want and can? What are you waiting? It’s your money! You don’t need to get advice/agreement or even permission from somebody else! Loners are so lucky when travelling is concerned…what are you waiting?

[polldaddy poll=7139186]

May 30, 2013

Tag: depression